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Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Subject:...
Time:1:39 pm.
Mood: crushed.
I just wanted to let people know I'm still alive. Even though I will rarely to never post in this thing. Just cause Livejournal has fucked over my life. If you want to contact me...

Email: zeroakagi@hotmail.com (msn messenger)
Phone: (416)768-4104
Xbox 360 Gamer Tag: KaitoSinbad

Well that's all.

"I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love."
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.




Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Subject:Well... I'm done. (This song is basicly about my life)
Time:4:40 pm.
Mood: crushed.
After a year and a few months, I am now broken. At first I told myself that it would be for the best, for both us. But now I think different. I never loved someone as much as I loved her. I thought that she was the girl meant for me.

But things are different now. It hasn't been longer then two weeks and she has already found someone she is "interested" in. Did I not mean anything to her? It seems I wasn't even worth a month's time of being single. Now that I look back on it, I should have listened to my friends. I feel like the last year and a few months have been the biggest waste of my life. I was a moron to think that she was different from all the other girls. But in all reality, she was far worst. I never tried so hard in my life to be with someone... and now it was all worth nothing. No matter how hard I tried, it was never enough.

I should have left the relationship on the very first chance I had. But I was blinded by love. I truely feel bad for all the horrible things I said towards her ex. I was a fool to think that she would wait awhile to be in the dating scene, but then again... she did end up with me after leaving Dan a few weeks to a month earlier. But I now think that there was something going on while she was "with" me.

One of her "bestfriends" told me that I'm a fool to think she didn't love me. But now that I think back on it, she was more in love with the idea of being with someone.

Did she truely love me? I highly fucking doubt it. But who knows? I could be wrong...

But the fucked up thing is, I'm still in love with her. I don't know why, I can't get rid of this feeling. I want to be with her, I want to hold her, kiss her and tell her that I love her. But the other side of me, wants nothing to do with her... and that is the side I choose to listen to. I spent the last week reading old emails with tears in my eyes. Wondering where it went wrong? Was I the cause of how things ending or was it the fault of a girl who was greedy and only wanted things her way? My bestfriend had to help me delete her old emails, cause I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then, when I found out that she was interested in this guy at her school, I deleted all her numbers from my phone. As much as I love her, I can't stand to talk to her. But I guess it'll be for the best if I'm nolonger in her life. After all, I'm sure I'm not worth a second thought.

At the moment, I truely hate her with all my being, but at the same time... I hate myself for ever falling in love with her. I was a moron to think that she was special or different. I was an even bigger fool for thinking that this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I even wanted to start a family with her... How have I fallen so far?

It's better to have loved and lost then to never loved at all... Bullshit! When I first got in contact with her, I was having the time of my life. I was over Victoria and living the single life. But then I started to fall in love with Tiffany. She was the first girl to speak to my sisters and mother.

Well there is nothing more I can really say... Even though I have all this anger towards her, I still love her. So now I must make the choice that will be best for me.

So... I am now saying goodbye to all my online friends. I'm sorry for doing this, but as long as I'm here, I'm going to want to contact her. I'm sure that half of you think I am nothing more then a child for making these choices. But these are my choices and I stand by them. Once I finish this post, I'm going to stay away from all messengers and livejournal. I'll only keep my email from work related stuff.

Goodbye everyone. I'm truely sorry for everything. I'll understand if you hate me.

To Chels:
Thank you for everything you have done for me. You've been my bestfriend these last few months. Without you, I might have done something I would have regreted. I know you didn't want things to come down to this and I'm really sorry for it. Please don't think that I don't listen to your advice. But I'm truely heart broken right now. I was up all night crying my eyes out for the way things went. I know you wanted me and Tiffany at your wedding and it breaks my heart to say this, but I won't be there.
I also won't make you choose between me and Tiffany, cause you both were bestfriends when you met me. I don't want to drive you both apart with the hate I have towards her in my heart. So I think it'll be best if you both forgot about me. I know you are thinking I'm a greedy moron for doing this. I'm sorry... I really am. I love you for everything that you've done for me. Thank you so much for being my friend. I'm truely lucky to have met someone like you. Thank you for being there when no one else was.
I love you... Goodbye.
Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.




Thursday, September 14th, 2006

Subject:...
Time:1:09 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Life fucking sucks.

Yeah... well that's all I can think of for now.
Comments: Read 17 or Add Your Own.




Thursday, December 29th, 2005

Subject:Oy.
Time:7:49 pm.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.